ok, at the request of Dawn, a little Friday five......
Why I am so busy.
1. Ava.
It almost needs no explanation, but I will divulge the details. She is 2 1/2 now. Just today, when I have taken my eyes off her she has spread eyeshadow all over my bathroom floor, attempted to put mascara on her baby doll who is affectionately named Mimi, shared her popsicle with the dog (hey at least she is sharing and taking turns licking right?). Hmmmmm, she also stripped down to her panties and streaked across the front lawn right as some innocent neighbor was taking a walk and then decided to climb on top of the kitchen counters to reach the cutco knives to try to cut her apple (YIKES!) She is an absolute doll, but I feel like part of my job right now is to keep her from killing herself......literally. She is as big as a 4 year old but still very much has the mind of a 2 year old. She runs everywhere she goes (unless she is dancing) and then just crashes. Hey, at least she is a FANTASTIC sleeper!
2. Having school aged kids.
Ava's 3 siblings are active, spunky kids. Between the hours I put in volunteering in the school to the time I spend getting them to and from activities, it really keeps me running. Thank goodness for planners. If it isn't written in my planner, it just doesn't happen, LOL. I'm going to pencil in that I need to wash my hair tomorrow, LOL
3. My dh's job.
His nutso job means more single parent time for me, and we all know how busy that is.
4. The time of year.
Fall is VERY busy for this family. 3 of the kids have birthdays in the fall and so does dh. We always host a costume party for Halloween, and then there is back to school.
5. Because I want to be.
I don't want to be OVERSCHEDULED, but I like being busy. It means we are running, playing, *doing*. Enjoying life, living it to the fullest and are taking advantage of our health, youth and energy.
It is a good life :)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
there goes summer.........
just like that, summer is over. I haven't had any time to be here posting with 4 kids home for the summer. There were many milestones during our laid back summer of fun. Lazy days at the pool, exploring the woods in the yard and hanging out with friends. We had teeth lost, training wheels expired, swimming without floaties, a triumphant goodbye to diapers (HOORAY!) and much, much more. It seemed like everyone grew up alot, and although I wish I could bottle some of this innocent childhood, the memories of it ARE bottled, very close to my heart. Even if my scrapbooks aren't perfect and there is sand piled by the back door, I won't doubt for a second that we were living this good life in the very best of ways.
And so....off they went to school this morning for the first day. I have a FIFTH grader, second grader and kindergartener. They pleaded with me to let them ride the school bus after years of me driving them back and forth. I can't say that I was ready for it, and I didn't WANT them to want to, but a small part of me felt good about the fact that they had more confidence than I do to let go just a bit. Since I cannot tell a lie, I will admit that I put them ON the bus, then got in my car and followed right behind it all the way to school. All 20 minutes of it ;) They all did just great, and I know I won't feel the need to do that again. But hey......I was one of SIX moms behind the bus!!!!
I am so proud of all of them marching into their new classrooms with eagerness and a smile. Even Andrew who is starting kindergarten just yelled "BYE MOM" as the teacher led them back to his room. I am amazed that my young son has the presence of mind and spirit to confidently walk into the unknown with such comfort.
And so, another change of seasons brings about the changing seasons of life. It is fitting that the air was crisp and cool this morning and the leaves are starting to change color. (Just this past weekend was HOT!) The only thing we can count on really is that change is inevitable. The most we can do is hope that we have the spirit to guide us and comfort us through that change. That we have nurtured ourselves and our families with the right amount of love and guidance to stand alone when we need to, but cherish the important people in our lives. It is an equally humbling and amazing adventure, this role of parenthood.
I quietly spent the day with my littlest princess, who seemed a bit out of sorts today. Part of me thinks that she is adjusting to this change in her 2 year old brain, and isn't sure what to make of it. She has enjoyed the alone time, and the time with ALL the toys to herself, but has asked several time where her sissies and brother are.
What an amazing blessing they all are.
Mel
And so....off they went to school this morning for the first day. I have a FIFTH grader, second grader and kindergartener. They pleaded with me to let them ride the school bus after years of me driving them back and forth. I can't say that I was ready for it, and I didn't WANT them to want to, but a small part of me felt good about the fact that they had more confidence than I do to let go just a bit. Since I cannot tell a lie, I will admit that I put them ON the bus, then got in my car and followed right behind it all the way to school. All 20 minutes of it ;) They all did just great, and I know I won't feel the need to do that again. But hey......I was one of SIX moms behind the bus!!!!
I am so proud of all of them marching into their new classrooms with eagerness and a smile. Even Andrew who is starting kindergarten just yelled "BYE MOM" as the teacher led them back to his room. I am amazed that my young son has the presence of mind and spirit to confidently walk into the unknown with such comfort.
And so, another change of seasons brings about the changing seasons of life. It is fitting that the air was crisp and cool this morning and the leaves are starting to change color. (Just this past weekend was HOT!) The only thing we can count on really is that change is inevitable. The most we can do is hope that we have the spirit to guide us and comfort us through that change. That we have nurtured ourselves and our families with the right amount of love and guidance to stand alone when we need to, but cherish the important people in our lives. It is an equally humbling and amazing adventure, this role of parenthood.
I quietly spent the day with my littlest princess, who seemed a bit out of sorts today. Part of me thinks that she is adjusting to this change in her 2 year old brain, and isn't sure what to make of it. She has enjoyed the alone time, and the time with ALL the toys to herself, but has asked several time where her sissies and brother are.
What an amazing blessing they all are.
Mel
Saturday, May 17, 2008
it's not about Oprah
there has been much hype in the media lately about Oprah and her recent book club selection and online class. The book is titled "A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's Purpose"
I have read several chapters of the book, and have found it so incredible and insightful so far. It is a bit wordy, and heavy reading, but the time and thought spent really digesting the authors words are fantastically worth it.
I understand that Oprah has been accused of trying to start her own religion, become some form of cult leader or turn people away from their own religion (specifically Christianity). Having read much of it, I frankly do not see how it could be interpreted that way, but I also realize that a woman in her position is the target of many, whether the intentions are good or not.
I wish that I could convey my feelings about the book as eloquently as it is written. In a strange way I found comfort in those pages, and more than ever I truly believe that we are not our bodies, we are not our constant stream of thoughts, and no doubt the universe is unfolding exactly as it should be. Being present in each moment of my life is something I am now aware of, and something I am working towards. Being still with myself and realizing that the ego of every human drives so much of our actions and words is now an understanding I possess. Yet, I also realize that what I understand is the tip of an enormous iceburg.
More than anything it has allowed me, and almost given me permission to accept my own feelings about things. Realize that they are not often ME, but my ego, and recognizing that is the beginning step in making progress in controlling my own stream of consciousness. It has shown me the path to forgiveness, and that it is not something I can force or will myself to do. It has illustrated the ownership I must take in situations that even make the quest for forgiveness necessary. And yet, it has given me hope for a life and a mind filled with peace, love and respect regardless of those variables we cannot change.
All of those things can go hand in hand with any religion, and God....whatever any of us perceives that to be. It is a book most certainly not out to change someone's beliefs, but in my opinion, enhance them and live more fully in conjunction with them.
For the most part, the day-to-day lessons I have taken away from it is that when I am present in every moment and really present rather than just standing there with my mind a million miles away, I know that anything is possible. I know that I am taking care of what matters RIGHT NOW and I can see the difference that makes in my attitude. Isn't it great that we have been given each moment? That we can make of it what we want? That we can connect with others and ourselves on this level? It is humbling to see the difference, and to realize the potential that is in each and every person. It is our responsibility to live a life of full consciousness as much as we are able, and to realize the impact it will have. It has enabled a peace within me that is remarkable, and a peace that I long for and work for in my home, neighborhood, and community........
Rich and I talk about this a lot. We have a responsibility of remarkable proportions......to create a life of peace and understanding that surround our children. After we are gone, our children will be all that is left of us on this earth......don't we want to leave them with that?
I have read several chapters of the book, and have found it so incredible and insightful so far. It is a bit wordy, and heavy reading, but the time and thought spent really digesting the authors words are fantastically worth it.
I understand that Oprah has been accused of trying to start her own religion, become some form of cult leader or turn people away from their own religion (specifically Christianity). Having read much of it, I frankly do not see how it could be interpreted that way, but I also realize that a woman in her position is the target of many, whether the intentions are good or not.
I wish that I could convey my feelings about the book as eloquently as it is written. In a strange way I found comfort in those pages, and more than ever I truly believe that we are not our bodies, we are not our constant stream of thoughts, and no doubt the universe is unfolding exactly as it should be. Being present in each moment of my life is something I am now aware of, and something I am working towards. Being still with myself and realizing that the ego of every human drives so much of our actions and words is now an understanding I possess. Yet, I also realize that what I understand is the tip of an enormous iceburg.
More than anything it has allowed me, and almost given me permission to accept my own feelings about things. Realize that they are not often ME, but my ego, and recognizing that is the beginning step in making progress in controlling my own stream of consciousness. It has shown me the path to forgiveness, and that it is not something I can force or will myself to do. It has illustrated the ownership I must take in situations that even make the quest for forgiveness necessary. And yet, it has given me hope for a life and a mind filled with peace, love and respect regardless of those variables we cannot change.
All of those things can go hand in hand with any religion, and God....whatever any of us perceives that to be. It is a book most certainly not out to change someone's beliefs, but in my opinion, enhance them and live more fully in conjunction with them.
For the most part, the day-to-day lessons I have taken away from it is that when I am present in every moment and really present rather than just standing there with my mind a million miles away, I know that anything is possible. I know that I am taking care of what matters RIGHT NOW and I can see the difference that makes in my attitude. Isn't it great that we have been given each moment? That we can make of it what we want? That we can connect with others and ourselves on this level? It is humbling to see the difference, and to realize the potential that is in each and every person. It is our responsibility to live a life of full consciousness as much as we are able, and to realize the impact it will have. It has enabled a peace within me that is remarkable, and a peace that I long for and work for in my home, neighborhood, and community........
Rich and I talk about this a lot. We have a responsibility of remarkable proportions......to create a life of peace and understanding that surround our children. After we are gone, our children will be all that is left of us on this earth......don't we want to leave them with that?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
how we use our voice
I have been thinking a lot the past few days about our voice, opinion, appropriateness of debate in certain circumstances. A few incidents have really brought this to the forefront of my mind.
My neighborhood has a weekly coffee get together on Monday mornings. Sometimes there are 4 women, sometimes 10, but it is a nice start to the week, and there are always a bunch of toddlers and preschool aged kids running around playing too, so it is really fun.
What I like about the group is that it is women of all ages, some with a bunch of kids at home, some with older kids, some empty-nesters. Some moms work outside the home, some don't. Some are conservative, some are liberal. It makes for interesting discussion, and is a pretty diverse group.
Well, this week one of the working moms (she is a teacher with a job share situation, so she teaches in the afternoon) was lamenting about how her sitter was not so reliable, or would ask to leave early a lot, etc. You could tell she was a bit stressed by this, and it was bothering her. Another mom who stays home started asking her why she didn't just use a child care center, or better yet, just stay home. she said "WHY do you put this stress on yourself? I don't understand that"
it became a bit tense as the 2 defended their positions, and then I glanced over and saw Ava heading outside to play so I got up from the table to follow her. I heard someone behind me and realized it was the mom who is a teacher. I know her pretty well, and I started to speak some words of support, when I looked up to see her crying.
We talked for awhile, and I just left that day thinking. WHY?
WHY do people have to say things to make someone else feel bad?
WHY do we as women tend to beat eachother up about our choices?
ISN'T it our "jobs" to support eachother? or SHOULDN'T it be?
EVEN IF all of us around that table were wondering why she is making the choices she is, should we berate her until she cries?
Everyone has an opinion, everyone has a voice. Should we use it when we know the way in which we are doing so will cause hurt feelings? What if someone doesn't realize it will hurt feelings? Does the ignorance of that excuse it?
SHOULDN'T we ALL think more about other people??????? Is that somehow silencing our opinion? Silencing or voice, or is it good manners?
The other incident happened at the elementary school. We have a small parking lot and sometimes parents don't get out of the car, they just wait for their child to come out of school, and they wait in their car in the parking lot, sometimes impeding a few parked cars in marked parking spaces. They shouldn't do that, absolutely, and there is even a sign that says not to. One parent has apparently had enough of this inconvenience. At pick-up on Thursday someone blocked him in slightly, although he was still able to get out. He drove up next to that car, rolled down the window and SCREAMED at the top of his lungs to the woman in the other car. He called her a dummy, and many other not so nice things. I was standing on the basketball court talking to another mom, and heard the whole thing. My mouth dropped open as did the 50 kids standing there.
What a way to use your voice, huh? Why should we all be subjected to that, and what can we do about it?
Obviously that guy has some anger management issues.
But......in the world in general, whatever happened to manners?
My neighborhood has a weekly coffee get together on Monday mornings. Sometimes there are 4 women, sometimes 10, but it is a nice start to the week, and there are always a bunch of toddlers and preschool aged kids running around playing too, so it is really fun.
What I like about the group is that it is women of all ages, some with a bunch of kids at home, some with older kids, some empty-nesters. Some moms work outside the home, some don't. Some are conservative, some are liberal. It makes for interesting discussion, and is a pretty diverse group.
Well, this week one of the working moms (she is a teacher with a job share situation, so she teaches in the afternoon) was lamenting about how her sitter was not so reliable, or would ask to leave early a lot, etc. You could tell she was a bit stressed by this, and it was bothering her. Another mom who stays home started asking her why she didn't just use a child care center, or better yet, just stay home. she said "WHY do you put this stress on yourself? I don't understand that"
it became a bit tense as the 2 defended their positions, and then I glanced over and saw Ava heading outside to play so I got up from the table to follow her. I heard someone behind me and realized it was the mom who is a teacher. I know her pretty well, and I started to speak some words of support, when I looked up to see her crying.
We talked for awhile, and I just left that day thinking. WHY?
WHY do people have to say things to make someone else feel bad?
WHY do we as women tend to beat eachother up about our choices?
ISN'T it our "jobs" to support eachother? or SHOULDN'T it be?
EVEN IF all of us around that table were wondering why she is making the choices she is, should we berate her until she cries?
Everyone has an opinion, everyone has a voice. Should we use it when we know the way in which we are doing so will cause hurt feelings? What if someone doesn't realize it will hurt feelings? Does the ignorance of that excuse it?
SHOULDN'T we ALL think more about other people??????? Is that somehow silencing our opinion? Silencing or voice, or is it good manners?
The other incident happened at the elementary school. We have a small parking lot and sometimes parents don't get out of the car, they just wait for their child to come out of school, and they wait in their car in the parking lot, sometimes impeding a few parked cars in marked parking spaces. They shouldn't do that, absolutely, and there is even a sign that says not to. One parent has apparently had enough of this inconvenience. At pick-up on Thursday someone blocked him in slightly, although he was still able to get out. He drove up next to that car, rolled down the window and SCREAMED at the top of his lungs to the woman in the other car. He called her a dummy, and many other not so nice things. I was standing on the basketball court talking to another mom, and heard the whole thing. My mouth dropped open as did the 50 kids standing there.
What a way to use your voice, huh? Why should we all be subjected to that, and what can we do about it?
Obviously that guy has some anger management issues.
But......in the world in general, whatever happened to manners?
Friday, May 2, 2008
what is it with screens?
TV, computers, video games.
they drive me crazy. They do make life very useful at times......ie: internet shopping late at night beats taking 4 kids shopping for clothes ANY day!
But, why does it seem like they have TAKEN over society? Is this just a part of change that is inevitable?
This is especially hitting home lately because I have been out-voted in our house and have finally caved and allowed this family to own a Wii. It is fun, I admit.....for about 5 minutes. LOL. It seems as if my brood would rather be playing the thing (well, really it is mostly Andrew) than doing just about anything else. It drives me insane. I have come close to taking it out to the garage and running it over with the car several times!!!!!
Why on earth did I let them get it then, you might ask.
I do think that screens are an inevitable part of life these days. They give us news in an instant, allow us to communicate with friends and family that are far away, allow my husband to be able to do some work from home so he can BE home more often.
Unfortunately with those conveniences go a huge responsibility that is difficult to be vigilant about. Not permitting screens to take over and take PLACE of other things is quite a challenge. I wholeheartedly think that they can easily come in between REAL personal relationships and it is our responsibility to make sure that they don't. Most people that I know aren't very good at it, including myself.
I have m my own love for some things with a screen. It has connected me to a group of other moms that I have been friends with now for almost 8 years. It is an outlet for me at times that I could really use it.
I have succumbed to things like the Wii because I don't think it is my job to attempt to prohibit the inevitable changes in our culture, but to teach my children how to self-limit. Kind of like Fruit Loops.
WHAT?
Well, when I was a kid, I had a dad who gave me a heaping pile of wheat germ on my cereal each morning. Fruit loops were not even on the radar. I became obsessed and what do you think I did the minute I grew up and moved out of the house? I consumed my weight in Fruit Loops several times over.......I cannot tell a lie although it isn't something I am too proud of. ;)
Anyway, I think that if we completely FORBID some things, it becomes so enticing and so mysterious that they will do what I did. I don't want to hear that my kids are in the hospital from playing video games for 72 hrs with no sleep because I never would allow them 10 minutes when they were younger.
Of course, this is not the case with ALL things (ie: guns or weapons, drugs). I'm talking screen stuff only here, and also APPROPRIATE screen stuff. No grand theft auto type things (hey, I only know about that b/c I read an article in Time magazine a few years back, and it wasn't one I will ever forget......yikes!) or frankly even things like Sponge Bob. (But that's a whole other topic).
I am just struggling daily with the kids because I feel like ALL THEY DO somedays is try to figure out how to get me to let them have MORE tv time, MORE Wii time, etc.
I feel like shouting from the rooftops.......EEEEENNNNNNNNNOOOOOUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!
It doesn't help that I am married to a very wonderful and loving man who loves these things as much as the kids. He played and watched a lot as a child and says "well, I turned out pretty good". Some days I wonder how, but that is even ANOTHER whole story, and probably one best kept to myself. ;)
But why are all things screen so coveted? I allow the school aged kids no screen time on weeknights, and 1-2 hrs per day on weekends. I have been known to let 30 min be allowed during the week after chores and homework, but it kills me that THAT IS WHAT THEY WOULD CHOOSE TO DO ALL THE TIME IF THEY COULD.
Ok, I should stop screaming and step away from the screen. LOL
they drive me crazy. They do make life very useful at times......ie: internet shopping late at night beats taking 4 kids shopping for clothes ANY day!
But, why does it seem like they have TAKEN over society? Is this just a part of change that is inevitable?
This is especially hitting home lately because I have been out-voted in our house and have finally caved and allowed this family to own a Wii. It is fun, I admit.....for about 5 minutes. LOL. It seems as if my brood would rather be playing the thing (well, really it is mostly Andrew) than doing just about anything else. It drives me insane. I have come close to taking it out to the garage and running it over with the car several times!!!!!
Why on earth did I let them get it then, you might ask.
I do think that screens are an inevitable part of life these days. They give us news in an instant, allow us to communicate with friends and family that are far away, allow my husband to be able to do some work from home so he can BE home more often.
Unfortunately with those conveniences go a huge responsibility that is difficult to be vigilant about. Not permitting screens to take over and take PLACE of other things is quite a challenge. I wholeheartedly think that they can easily come in between REAL personal relationships and it is our responsibility to make sure that they don't. Most people that I know aren't very good at it, including myself.
I have m my own love for some things with a screen. It has connected me to a group of other moms that I have been friends with now for almost 8 years. It is an outlet for me at times that I could really use it.
I have succumbed to things like the Wii because I don't think it is my job to attempt to prohibit the inevitable changes in our culture, but to teach my children how to self-limit. Kind of like Fruit Loops.
WHAT?
Well, when I was a kid, I had a dad who gave me a heaping pile of wheat germ on my cereal each morning. Fruit loops were not even on the radar. I became obsessed and what do you think I did the minute I grew up and moved out of the house? I consumed my weight in Fruit Loops several times over.......I cannot tell a lie although it isn't something I am too proud of. ;)
Anyway, I think that if we completely FORBID some things, it becomes so enticing and so mysterious that they will do what I did. I don't want to hear that my kids are in the hospital from playing video games for 72 hrs with no sleep because I never would allow them 10 minutes when they were younger.
Of course, this is not the case with ALL things (ie: guns or weapons, drugs). I'm talking screen stuff only here, and also APPROPRIATE screen stuff. No grand theft auto type things (hey, I only know about that b/c I read an article in Time magazine a few years back, and it wasn't one I will ever forget......yikes!) or frankly even things like Sponge Bob. (But that's a whole other topic).
I am just struggling daily with the kids because I feel like ALL THEY DO somedays is try to figure out how to get me to let them have MORE tv time, MORE Wii time, etc.
I feel like shouting from the rooftops.......EEEEENNNNNNNNNOOOOOUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!
It doesn't help that I am married to a very wonderful and loving man who loves these things as much as the kids. He played and watched a lot as a child and says "well, I turned out pretty good". Some days I wonder how, but that is even ANOTHER whole story, and probably one best kept to myself. ;)
But why are all things screen so coveted? I allow the school aged kids no screen time on weeknights, and 1-2 hrs per day on weekends. I have been known to let 30 min be allowed during the week after chores and homework, but it kills me that THAT IS WHAT THEY WOULD CHOOSE TO DO ALL THE TIME IF THEY COULD.
Ok, I should stop screaming and step away from the screen. LOL
Sunday, April 6, 2008
ooooh, I love a good questionnaire!
Cat passed along these questions, which I must say I find quite thought provoking and cause for looking inward....and I am always looking for another reason to do that ;)
1. What is the best part of your life right now?
**well, my first knee jerk thought was that I don't live anywhere near my inlaws. I realize that is neither productive nor positive, but I don't want to just skip over it and deny that I HAD the thought. I'm beginning to think that some things just aren't fixable. I am learning to let go of anger, realize there is no WRONG or RIGHT, there is just different.
ok, the TRUE and REAL best parts of my life right now are good health for me and my family, which, as my husband saw at 4am this morning with a 39(!) year old who had a massive heart attack....can NEVER be taken for granted. The other best parts are spring finally coming, bonfires in the backyard, watching the kids roll down the hill on the golf course a gazillion times until they are shrieking with delight and hysterically dizzy, my sense of humor (when I feel like I am up to my ears in "mom, can you get me this, mom I need that, mom....can you help me, moooooommmmm, she bugs me, etc......), good friends, and my favorite parts of my favorite books (which I can read over and over and still get tears in my eyes).
2. What do you think the best part of the near future will be?
Growing our roots in this town which we have now called home almost 2 years. We have made some fantastic friends, and watching the kids grow up with the neighbor kids and dear friends is going to be awesome. Just today they congregated with a few in the backyard and went exploring in the woods. Watching the kids grow in their early school years, learning from us and teaching us so much all at the same time.
3. What are you most afraid of?
Death, regret, outliving my kids, or something happening to me and leaving them without their mom.
4. What are you a little worried about?
making the right decisions for and about the kids. I mean, how does anyone know what is the right thing for me and my kids?
I'm also a little worried about end of life issues. My grandmother is currently grappling with being tossed back and forth between nursing home and hospital, contemplating hospice........this cannot be the way to go. It seems so inhumane.
5. What do you dream of?
leaving a legacy of trust, support and love to my kids. I also dream of growing old with Rich, surrounded by our children, their spouses and our grandkids. (when I tell Rich that, he says "can you please not make me OLD yet?")
I also dream of peace......our family living in peace, peace within myself, and with all the angry people there are in the world. Yes, that is idealistic, but what is the POINT of all the fighting? Really!?
6. Who do you trust most to share these things with?
Rich, my friends (old and new), and myself.
7. What questions do you have?
What really happens after you die?
Does our soul still have a voice?
Are we leaving a home, town, country and world to our children that we are proud of?
Why do some people seem to think only of themselves? Do they see it as selfish?
Will I be friends with my children when they're older? What will they say about their childhood?
How does Elmo hear? Does he have ears?
Is there really truth to the law of attraction?
When I talk to people that have passed away, do they know it?
8. What gifts can you share?
I am resilient. I am patient. I am kind even when I don't feel like being kind. I give of myself and look out for others.
Good questions!!! Now I have to tend to the littlest princess (who just turned 2!) waking up from her nap.
1. What is the best part of your life right now?
**well, my first knee jerk thought was that I don't live anywhere near my inlaws. I realize that is neither productive nor positive, but I don't want to just skip over it and deny that I HAD the thought. I'm beginning to think that some things just aren't fixable. I am learning to let go of anger, realize there is no WRONG or RIGHT, there is just different.
ok, the TRUE and REAL best parts of my life right now are good health for me and my family, which, as my husband saw at 4am this morning with a 39(!) year old who had a massive heart attack....can NEVER be taken for granted. The other best parts are spring finally coming, bonfires in the backyard, watching the kids roll down the hill on the golf course a gazillion times until they are shrieking with delight and hysterically dizzy, my sense of humor (when I feel like I am up to my ears in "mom, can you get me this, mom I need that, mom....can you help me, moooooommmmm, she bugs me, etc......), good friends, and my favorite parts of my favorite books (which I can read over and over and still get tears in my eyes).
2. What do you think the best part of the near future will be?
Growing our roots in this town which we have now called home almost 2 years. We have made some fantastic friends, and watching the kids grow up with the neighbor kids and dear friends is going to be awesome. Just today they congregated with a few in the backyard and went exploring in the woods. Watching the kids grow in their early school years, learning from us and teaching us so much all at the same time.
3. What are you most afraid of?
Death, regret, outliving my kids, or something happening to me and leaving them without their mom.
4. What are you a little worried about?
making the right decisions for and about the kids. I mean, how does anyone know what is the right thing for me and my kids?
I'm also a little worried about end of life issues. My grandmother is currently grappling with being tossed back and forth between nursing home and hospital, contemplating hospice........this cannot be the way to go. It seems so inhumane.
5. What do you dream of?
leaving a legacy of trust, support and love to my kids. I also dream of growing old with Rich, surrounded by our children, their spouses and our grandkids. (when I tell Rich that, he says "can you please not make me OLD yet?")
I also dream of peace......our family living in peace, peace within myself, and with all the angry people there are in the world. Yes, that is idealistic, but what is the POINT of all the fighting? Really!?
6. Who do you trust most to share these things with?
Rich, my friends (old and new), and myself.
7. What questions do you have?
What really happens after you die?
Does our soul still have a voice?
Are we leaving a home, town, country and world to our children that we are proud of?
Why do some people seem to think only of themselves? Do they see it as selfish?
Will I be friends with my children when they're older? What will they say about their childhood?
How does Elmo hear? Does he have ears?
Is there really truth to the law of attraction?
When I talk to people that have passed away, do they know it?
8. What gifts can you share?
I am resilient. I am patient. I am kind even when I don't feel like being kind. I give of myself and look out for others.
Good questions!!! Now I have to tend to the littlest princess (who just turned 2!) waking up from her nap.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
we are the music makers......
we are the dreamers of dreams. It is one of my favorite quotes.....
to me it kind of has to do with laws of attraction. What do we WANT in life? If we THINK we will fail, aren't we destined too?
I believe in that kind of stuff to some degree. I do think that life is all about attitude and how we take what is thrown our way. Can you tell I have been writing about very similar themes lately? I won't get into all the details here, but I am writing about it because I am having to work extra hard at being happy lately. I do realize how fortunate I am in my life. I have my health, 4 amazing kids, a wonderful husband, etc..........
when things happen around you that have great potential to bring you down, how do you prevent them from doing so?
I'm working hard at it lately.
very
hard
I am not a quitter. I am not a doormat. I will not let it bring me down.
to me it kind of has to do with laws of attraction. What do we WANT in life? If we THINK we will fail, aren't we destined too?
I believe in that kind of stuff to some degree. I do think that life is all about attitude and how we take what is thrown our way. Can you tell I have been writing about very similar themes lately? I won't get into all the details here, but I am writing about it because I am having to work extra hard at being happy lately. I do realize how fortunate I am in my life. I have my health, 4 amazing kids, a wonderful husband, etc..........
when things happen around you that have great potential to bring you down, how do you prevent them from doing so?
I'm working hard at it lately.
very
hard
I am not a quitter. I am not a doormat. I will not let it bring me down.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
we can only control ourselves
I tell my kids this all the time. Don't worry about what someone else has done, I say......the only person you can control is yourselves. Pay attention to that voice in your head, and do what you know is right.
Unfortunately I am too naive, and think that other people feel this way too. Then I am reminded periodically that this couldn't be farther from the truth.
On Feb 2st I was in a minor car accident. The 4 kids were with me in the car, it was 5 degrees outside, and I was travelling to meet Rich for dinner. A large utility truck pulled out from a driveway RIGHT in front of me, and I was faced with the decision of hitting them perpendicularly (T-bone) or swerving and running off the road. I chose to swerve, and I hit a snowbank. I thought there was no damage to the car, but I did get out to confront the other driver. The driver of the truck immediately apologized, gave me his business card and said "Sorry, I didn't see you". There was minimal damage to the car, but I decided not to call the police, instead just taking the guys information. After all, he did just apologize! I knew I would be stuck there for 2 hrs with the police in the FRIGID temps, and with kids who had not eaten dinner. No thanks.
The car cost a thousand dollars to fix, and my insurance company informed me yesterday that the other driver said I "totally overreacted and he was not even in the road".
There isn't much I can do. My insurance company will try to fight it, but honestly....who can prove what? If I had hit him, he would be in a HEAP of trouble, and have no excuse. It also may have caused injury!
Now I am left with the bill, AND the blatant lie from the other driver. I can't MAKE someone be a good person, do the right thing, tell the truth. I am trying not to be upset, but how COULDN'T I be?
I sent an email to the company where the guy works (he was IN a company vehicle and working at the time) telling them how unfortunate it is for them that they have such a dishonest employee.
You live and you learn........
Unfortunately I am too naive, and think that other people feel this way too. Then I am reminded periodically that this couldn't be farther from the truth.
On Feb 2st I was in a minor car accident. The 4 kids were with me in the car, it was 5 degrees outside, and I was travelling to meet Rich for dinner. A large utility truck pulled out from a driveway RIGHT in front of me, and I was faced with the decision of hitting them perpendicularly (T-bone) or swerving and running off the road. I chose to swerve, and I hit a snowbank. I thought there was no damage to the car, but I did get out to confront the other driver. The driver of the truck immediately apologized, gave me his business card and said "Sorry, I didn't see you". There was minimal damage to the car, but I decided not to call the police, instead just taking the guys information. After all, he did just apologize! I knew I would be stuck there for 2 hrs with the police in the FRIGID temps, and with kids who had not eaten dinner. No thanks.
The car cost a thousand dollars to fix, and my insurance company informed me yesterday that the other driver said I "totally overreacted and he was not even in the road".
There isn't much I can do. My insurance company will try to fight it, but honestly....who can prove what? If I had hit him, he would be in a HEAP of trouble, and have no excuse. It also may have caused injury!
Now I am left with the bill, AND the blatant lie from the other driver. I can't MAKE someone be a good person, do the right thing, tell the truth. I am trying not to be upset, but how COULDN'T I be?
I sent an email to the company where the guy works (he was IN a company vehicle and working at the time) telling them how unfortunate it is for them that they have such a dishonest employee.
You live and you learn........
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
my incredible husband
its amazing. HE is amazing. Do I ever get mad at him? YES! Is he perfect? NO! How he maintains his even-keel attitude, low stress level and still manage to call me during the day and ask how I am doing is truly incredible.
Sunday night, Ava was having a baaaad night. She woke up 3 times crying, and each time I stumbled upstairs to comfort her and get her back to sleep. It was 1 am and Rich told me to bring her in bed with us if it happened again. Five minutes later she was screaming, and so I brought her to our bed. This is a big deal for Rich because while he knows SHE is more easily comforted, HE doesn't sleep well at all with all her tossing and turning.
I got her into bed, got her settled and 10 minutes later his pager went off. He glanced at it, called the number back, and talked to the ER dr. Then he flew out of bed (it was 130 am at this point) threw on his scrubs and was out the door. By the time he got back it was 3 am, and Ava was still restless in our bed. He tried to go back to sleep but I knew it was hard for him. His alarm went off at 6 am and he went to work for the day.
When he returned last night at 9 pm he said it had been a rough day. That was it.....he was tired and described the day as rough, but he had a smile on his face. I knew he was functioning on only a few hrs of sleep and had been in the hospital 14 hrs straight, and somehow he wasn't even grouchy.
I asked about the person at 130 in the morning. He said it was horrible. The ER dr KNEW the patient was having a heart attack, and a quick EKG showed big trouble so he called Rich. When Rich got there, the ER was still trying to stabilize the patient for a heart cath so Rich could open up the artery. The patient coded and Rich was helping work on him, but he passed away and never was even stable enough for the procedure. He was only in his 60's. If I had even so much as witnessed that I would have been in a bad mood for a week. He was sad about it and we talked about it for awhile. It affects him but doesn't paralyze him. Situations like that change him somehow by retaining the lessons to be learned from it, and leaving all the fears, anger and unfairness by the wayside. He has a gift for taking the good things out of a situation and recognizing the bad but not letting them define him.
I am so thankful for having him in my life. He is my rock and I don't tell him often enough.
Sunday night, Ava was having a baaaad night. She woke up 3 times crying, and each time I stumbled upstairs to comfort her and get her back to sleep. It was 1 am and Rich told me to bring her in bed with us if it happened again. Five minutes later she was screaming, and so I brought her to our bed. This is a big deal for Rich because while he knows SHE is more easily comforted, HE doesn't sleep well at all with all her tossing and turning.
I got her into bed, got her settled and 10 minutes later his pager went off. He glanced at it, called the number back, and talked to the ER dr. Then he flew out of bed (it was 130 am at this point) threw on his scrubs and was out the door. By the time he got back it was 3 am, and Ava was still restless in our bed. He tried to go back to sleep but I knew it was hard for him. His alarm went off at 6 am and he went to work for the day.
When he returned last night at 9 pm he said it had been a rough day. That was it.....he was tired and described the day as rough, but he had a smile on his face. I knew he was functioning on only a few hrs of sleep and had been in the hospital 14 hrs straight, and somehow he wasn't even grouchy.
I asked about the person at 130 in the morning. He said it was horrible. The ER dr KNEW the patient was having a heart attack, and a quick EKG showed big trouble so he called Rich. When Rich got there, the ER was still trying to stabilize the patient for a heart cath so Rich could open up the artery. The patient coded and Rich was helping work on him, but he passed away and never was even stable enough for the procedure. He was only in his 60's. If I had even so much as witnessed that I would have been in a bad mood for a week. He was sad about it and we talked about it for awhile. It affects him but doesn't paralyze him. Situations like that change him somehow by retaining the lessons to be learned from it, and leaving all the fears, anger and unfairness by the wayside. He has a gift for taking the good things out of a situation and recognizing the bad but not letting them define him.
I am so thankful for having him in my life. He is my rock and I don't tell him often enough.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
something just clicked
several months ago I promised myself I would write here more. I am very good at keeping promises to other people, not so great about keeping them to myself. Then I began what would be one of the roughest spots in my life thus far. I stumbled, I cried, I felt pitiful and I spent a lot of time questioning. My promise to myself to communicate my thoughts here went by the wayside as I allowed myself to be so consumed by what was falling apart around me.
Then the other day, something clicked. I realized what I keep telling my kids all the time was something I was not living my life by for myself. Since I know that we teach and guide more effectively through behaviors and actions then words, I decided to listen to my own advice.......
Every day when we wake up we can choose to be happy or we can choose to be unhappy. Who wouldn't CHOOSE to be happy?
In that moment of reflection a few days ago, I somehow let go of my anger and fears like letting a balloon go into the sky. I can actually CHOOSE to not let things bother me as much, to not let negativity consume me. It still goes on around me as certainly as the sun rises each morning. We were given free will by no accident so that we can make our own choices as to how we REACT to the world around us.
As for me, I wake up each day wondering what life will throw my way, all the while wondering what it will be trying to teach me. I do the best I can to show love in things I do, and not deny my fears, but wave to them in the sky where I let them go rather then let them bring me down.
Then the other day, something clicked. I realized what I keep telling my kids all the time was something I was not living my life by for myself. Since I know that we teach and guide more effectively through behaviors and actions then words, I decided to listen to my own advice.......
Every day when we wake up we can choose to be happy or we can choose to be unhappy. Who wouldn't CHOOSE to be happy?
In that moment of reflection a few days ago, I somehow let go of my anger and fears like letting a balloon go into the sky. I can actually CHOOSE to not let things bother me as much, to not let negativity consume me. It still goes on around me as certainly as the sun rises each morning. We were given free will by no accident so that we can make our own choices as to how we REACT to the world around us.
As for me, I wake up each day wondering what life will throw my way, all the while wondering what it will be trying to teach me. I do the best I can to show love in things I do, and not deny my fears, but wave to them in the sky where I let them go rather then let them bring me down.
Friday, January 25, 2008
exercising the muscle of self control
a philosopher I am not, but I do think about self control in all aspects of my life, and work on ways to improve it.
It is all about a big picture, and the everyday lessons that life brings. We have big pictures in mind whether it is how much money we are aspiring to save, how we want to nurture our childrens' spirits, or how we get along with our spouses, neighbors, families and friends. What are these little lessons here to teach us? How can we learn from them? Can I and should I act in a way that is better for me now, or better for the big picture?
I was thinking about this today in terms of money. How do we raise children to have some responsibility with money? When is it too early for them to understand?
We were at gymnastics the other day and Dani spotted a new (and very cool I might add) leotard in the pro shop. It was her favorite shade of green with some geometric patterns on it. She has been such a good girl lately, and really is doing fantastic in school and at home and I really WANTED to buy it for her! After all it was only 30$ and I even had the cash in my pocket. She has a few leotards already though, and didn't really need it. What is the lesson to learn in this? You can afford it, so buy it? She has been good, so buy it? What was I teaching her if I just bought it right then and there?
I took a step back, took a deep breath, and told her "no" (and felt like running to avoid the wrath of my decision!) She was disappointed, but not hysterical. I was proud of her reaction, and proud of myself for not taking the easy way out ;) On the way home, I did point out to her that she DOES get allowance, and that she had some money saved up that last week she chose to spend on a stuffed turtle at the waterpark (bad decision IMHO, but hers nonetheless).
I have given her the tools, the control and the choice to be able to get that leotard if she wants it. If she does want it badly enough, time will tell. It is not always (and not often even) the right thing to do to make a choice that makes everyone happy "right now". It wouldn't have made us short somewhere else to get it for her that day, but what would she have learned? I never want to lose sight of that big picture. I want her to know responsibility, and working and saving for what you really want in life.
Even if it is just a green leotard.
It is all about a big picture, and the everyday lessons that life brings. We have big pictures in mind whether it is how much money we are aspiring to save, how we want to nurture our childrens' spirits, or how we get along with our spouses, neighbors, families and friends. What are these little lessons here to teach us? How can we learn from them? Can I and should I act in a way that is better for me now, or better for the big picture?
I was thinking about this today in terms of money. How do we raise children to have some responsibility with money? When is it too early for them to understand?
We were at gymnastics the other day and Dani spotted a new (and very cool I might add) leotard in the pro shop. It was her favorite shade of green with some geometric patterns on it. She has been such a good girl lately, and really is doing fantastic in school and at home and I really WANTED to buy it for her! After all it was only 30$ and I even had the cash in my pocket. She has a few leotards already though, and didn't really need it. What is the lesson to learn in this? You can afford it, so buy it? She has been good, so buy it? What was I teaching her if I just bought it right then and there?
I took a step back, took a deep breath, and told her "no" (and felt like running to avoid the wrath of my decision!) She was disappointed, but not hysterical. I was proud of her reaction, and proud of myself for not taking the easy way out ;) On the way home, I did point out to her that she DOES get allowance, and that she had some money saved up that last week she chose to spend on a stuffed turtle at the waterpark (bad decision IMHO, but hers nonetheless).
I have given her the tools, the control and the choice to be able to get that leotard if she wants it. If she does want it badly enough, time will tell. It is not always (and not often even) the right thing to do to make a choice that makes everyone happy "right now". It wouldn't have made us short somewhere else to get it for her that day, but what would she have learned? I never want to lose sight of that big picture. I want her to know responsibility, and working and saving for what you really want in life.
Even if it is just a green leotard.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Yes it was awful-----now please shut up!
What a title huh?
I recently read an article with this heading, and was intrigued to say the least. Little did I know it would end up giving me that (as Oprah likes to call it) A-HA moment. I literally thought "a-ha, this is what I need to think about, this is what I need to change in my life"
There is a big difference in understanding how our past experiences have shaped us into the person we are today, and being choked and controlled by that past. For me, it is like it is always hanging out there, like I am waiting for the right moment in conversation to tell my story. I am realizing that it doesn't matter.......I mean it DOES matter, but by constantly feeling the need to talk about it, am I really just looking for pity? That's AWFUL!
In trying to figure out what to do and move forward I have wallowed in self pity and tried to bring others there with me. The author in the article talked about a whole society doting on tales of personal tragedy. The trouble is that it makes us feel more like we are sinking in quicksand than lighting a torch to proceed with our lives. Does it really help us to obsess about the ways we've been wronged? Does it help us to BE happy by talking about things that have happened to make us UNHAPPY? That is not to say there isn't a time and a place to talk about it, but by allowing ourselves to get bogged down in these old stories prevents the new learning. We cannot change what has happened, we can only learn from it and live in the now.
It certainly isn't easy to do. We have to take baby steps. We cannot expect to erase memories of our past, but we can train ourselves to move forward slowly. We aren't running with that torch on a well-lit, clear and direct path. We are trudging along, sometimes struggling to find our way. We are brushing the sand off our feet as we hold our torch high to light our way.
I'm not going to turn back.
I recently read an article with this heading, and was intrigued to say the least. Little did I know it would end up giving me that (as Oprah likes to call it) A-HA moment. I literally thought "a-ha, this is what I need to think about, this is what I need to change in my life"
There is a big difference in understanding how our past experiences have shaped us into the person we are today, and being choked and controlled by that past. For me, it is like it is always hanging out there, like I am waiting for the right moment in conversation to tell my story. I am realizing that it doesn't matter.......I mean it DOES matter, but by constantly feeling the need to talk about it, am I really just looking for pity? That's AWFUL!
In trying to figure out what to do and move forward I have wallowed in self pity and tried to bring others there with me. The author in the article talked about a whole society doting on tales of personal tragedy. The trouble is that it makes us feel more like we are sinking in quicksand than lighting a torch to proceed with our lives. Does it really help us to obsess about the ways we've been wronged? Does it help us to BE happy by talking about things that have happened to make us UNHAPPY? That is not to say there isn't a time and a place to talk about it, but by allowing ourselves to get bogged down in these old stories prevents the new learning. We cannot change what has happened, we can only learn from it and live in the now.
It certainly isn't easy to do. We have to take baby steps. We cannot expect to erase memories of our past, but we can train ourselves to move forward slowly. We aren't running with that torch on a well-lit, clear and direct path. We are trudging along, sometimes struggling to find our way. We are brushing the sand off our feet as we hold our torch high to light our way.
I'm not going to turn back.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
what does it mean to be a good person?
This is something I have spent many hours wondering. I mean, I think there are the black and white things that most of us could agree on, but the gray area is very large, I am realizing. And, when you are faced with someone who you feel in your heart is more than just a vexation to your soul, what do you do?
I am more than comfortable in my own skin, but my heart is very heavy as I have been questioned, doubted, and frankly, attacked. It has left me angry beyond words.
I am trying my very best and putting so much of my energy into not caring what others think about me as long as *I* know I am not trying to hurt others. No 2 people are going to agree on everything! Does it mean the other person is wrong? NO! Whether it is about raising children, our relationship with our spouses, neighbors and friends, how (and IF) we practice our Faith or whether an apple tastes better than an orange, we all make decisions that work best for ourselves and our own families. As much as it may be human nature to judge, we should all try to resist that urge and accept people as they are.
But, what DO you do when someone does not give you that same courtesy? Or, when the person you are trying very hard not to judge takes advantage of you repeatedly? I am a firm believer that our society today has lost a good sense of respect. Whatever happened to good manners anyway? What does one do when they are targeted or judged by someone else? How can we (and should we still be?) gracious without being a doormat? When is it (and IS it?) the right thing to do to decide that they shouldn't be a part of your life while this is still going on?
And, what do we teach and tell our children? What do we explain to them when they ask us if someone is a good person who we don't believe is? When they were younger, it was easier to get away with "it was a bad decision, they aren't a bad PERSON", but as they get older and are more aware of interactions and behaviors, it becomes much more difficult.
It seems that some are not at all concerned with these types of things, and it's depressing to me. It seems that some would rather not have relationships at all than to do so respectfully.
I am learning to let go......and to live each moment knowing I can only change and better myself, and that I shouldn't worry about things I cannot change.
I am more than comfortable in my own skin, but my heart is very heavy as I have been questioned, doubted, and frankly, attacked. It has left me angry beyond words.
I am trying my very best and putting so much of my energy into not caring what others think about me as long as *I* know I am not trying to hurt others. No 2 people are going to agree on everything! Does it mean the other person is wrong? NO! Whether it is about raising children, our relationship with our spouses, neighbors and friends, how (and IF) we practice our Faith or whether an apple tastes better than an orange, we all make decisions that work best for ourselves and our own families. As much as it may be human nature to judge, we should all try to resist that urge and accept people as they are.
But, what DO you do when someone does not give you that same courtesy? Or, when the person you are trying very hard not to judge takes advantage of you repeatedly? I am a firm believer that our society today has lost a good sense of respect. Whatever happened to good manners anyway? What does one do when they are targeted or judged by someone else? How can we (and should we still be?) gracious without being a doormat? When is it (and IS it?) the right thing to do to decide that they shouldn't be a part of your life while this is still going on?
And, what do we teach and tell our children? What do we explain to them when they ask us if someone is a good person who we don't believe is? When they were younger, it was easier to get away with "it was a bad decision, they aren't a bad PERSON", but as they get older and are more aware of interactions and behaviors, it becomes much more difficult.
It seems that some are not at all concerned with these types of things, and it's depressing to me. It seems that some would rather not have relationships at all than to do so respectfully.
I am learning to let go......and to live each moment knowing I can only change and better myself, and that I shouldn't worry about things I cannot change.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
wow, it has been a long time
it has been a very rough few months for me, and things have gotten in the way of my time to sit, stop the world a bit (or at least wait until the world is a bit more quiet) and connect with myself. I miss me. My mind has been preoccupied in every moment and it's exhausting. I am working hard to re-gain the peace I once felt within myself and my family. The peace that really allowed me to enjoy and delight in the little things that are really the big things. The peace that made my home and family the safe and comfortable place that my soul desires and takes nourishment from.
2007 has taught me a lot. It has taught me it is not a year that I want to repeat. It has taught me that sometimes no matter how hard we try to prevent it, those times in our lives will happen. It has taught me that even when they do happen, there is still an occasional daisy in the field of weeds. It has taught me to seek out that daisy and not to lose sight of it. Sometimes you have to look very hard for the daisy, and even put every ounce of your effort into keeping it thriving amongst those weeds, but it will if you don't give up on it.
2007 has also left a lot of questions unanswered for me. As I move through this delicate balance of life, I have finally accepted that, and accepted that I won't always know how a story is going to turn out in the end. There is a lot of noise and haste in the world, and I am doing my best to leave it behind.
2007 has taught me a lot. It has taught me it is not a year that I want to repeat. It has taught me that sometimes no matter how hard we try to prevent it, those times in our lives will happen. It has taught me that even when they do happen, there is still an occasional daisy in the field of weeds. It has taught me to seek out that daisy and not to lose sight of it. Sometimes you have to look very hard for the daisy, and even put every ounce of your effort into keeping it thriving amongst those weeds, but it will if you don't give up on it.
2007 has also left a lot of questions unanswered for me. As I move through this delicate balance of life, I have finally accepted that, and accepted that I won't always know how a story is going to turn out in the end. There is a lot of noise and haste in the world, and I am doing my best to leave it behind.
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