a philosopher I am not, but I do think about self control in all aspects of my life, and work on ways to improve it.
It is all about a big picture, and the everyday lessons that life brings. We have big pictures in mind whether it is how much money we are aspiring to save, how we want to nurture our childrens' spirits, or how we get along with our spouses, neighbors, families and friends. What are these little lessons here to teach us? How can we learn from them? Can I and should I act in a way that is better for me now, or better for the big picture?
I was thinking about this today in terms of money. How do we raise children to have some responsibility with money? When is it too early for them to understand?
We were at gymnastics the other day and Dani spotted a new (and very cool I might add) leotard in the pro shop. It was her favorite shade of green with some geometric patterns on it. She has been such a good girl lately, and really is doing fantastic in school and at home and I really WANTED to buy it for her! After all it was only 30$ and I even had the cash in my pocket. She has a few leotards already though, and didn't really need it. What is the lesson to learn in this? You can afford it, so buy it? She has been good, so buy it? What was I teaching her if I just bought it right then and there?
I took a step back, took a deep breath, and told her "no" (and felt like running to avoid the wrath of my decision!) She was disappointed, but not hysterical. I was proud of her reaction, and proud of myself for not taking the easy way out ;) On the way home, I did point out to her that she DOES get allowance, and that she had some money saved up that last week she chose to spend on a stuffed turtle at the waterpark (bad decision IMHO, but hers nonetheless).
I have given her the tools, the control and the choice to be able to get that leotard if she wants it. If she does want it badly enough, time will tell. It is not always (and not often even) the right thing to do to make a choice that makes everyone happy "right now". It wouldn't have made us short somewhere else to get it for her that day, but what would she have learned? I never want to lose sight of that big picture. I want her to know responsibility, and working and saving for what you really want in life.
Even if it is just a green leotard.
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2 comments:
I like this. Thanks.
For what it's worth...John is a philosopher and he actually wrote his dissertation on the virtue of self control. Your first line cracked me up. LOL
Keep up the good work.
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