Yes it was awful-----now please shut up!

What a title huh?

I recently read an article with this heading, and was intrigued to say the least. Little did I know it would end up giving me that (as Oprah likes to call it) A-HA moment. I literally thought "a-ha, this is what I need to think about, this is what I need to change in my life"

There is a big difference in understanding how our past experiences have shaped us into the person we are today, and being choked and controlled by that past. For me, it is like it is always hanging out there, like I am waiting for the right moment in conversation to tell my story. I am realizing that it doesn't matter.......I mean it DOES matter, but by constantly feeling the need to talk about it, am I really just looking for pity? That's AWFUL!

In trying to figure out what to do and move forward I have wallowed in self pity and tried to bring others there with me. The author in the article talked about a whole society doting on tales of personal tragedy. The trouble is that it makes us feel more like we are sinking in quicksand than lighting a torch to proceed with our lives. Does it really help us to obsess about the ways we've been wronged? Does it help us to BE happy by talking about things that have happened to make us UNHAPPY? That is not to say there isn't a time and a place to talk about it, but by allowing ourselves to get bogged down in these old stories prevents the new learning. We cannot change what has happened, we can only learn from it and live in the now.

It certainly isn't easy to do. We have to take baby steps. We cannot expect to erase memories of our past, but we can train ourselves to move forward slowly. We aren't running with that torch on a well-lit, clear and direct path. We are trudging along, sometimes struggling to find our way. We are brushing the sand off our feet as we hold our torch high to light our way.

I'm not going to turn back.